The Great Anime Games!
by Kairi Uzeniba
Summary: A few characters from Naruto have been united to compete in The Great Anime Games! Hosted by a dog. Lots of random, nonsensical things. Rated T for different reasons. R&R! COMPLETE!
1. The Trial of 10 Terrors

Intro: I started writing the story where the characters are already at the show. I'm not sure how many trials there will be either. And it's written in script form.

Chapter 1

The Trial of 10 Terrors

DOG HOST: Welcome fans, to The Great Anime Games! Our first Team, is Team Shinobi! The contestants are a group of ninjas from Konohagakure.

.) We have Naruto Uzumaki, Choji Akimichi, Kakashi Hatake, and Jiraiya!

Our first challenge is The Trial of 10 Terrors! Let's turn the Wheel of Misfortune!

The wheel turned and turned until it landed on a space that read:

ED'S JACKET

DOG HOST: Now let's turn the wheel of contestants!

The wheel turned until it landed on a space that read:

KAKASHI

He gulped.

DOG HOST: The wheel is always right! And since you had your name chosen, you have to do the other 9 terrors! Isn't that great?

(Cricket)

DOG HOST: Well, um, anyway, let's see who has has to face what terror!

All the spaces for team Demon Hunter were blocked off. The Wheel of Misfortune stopped.

JIRAIYA

DOG HOST: Now the terror!

The wheel spinned.

NO SMILING WITH SEXY HOT TUB BABES

He gaped.

JIRAIYA: WHAAA!

DOG HOST: Ah, ah aah, the wheel is always right! Next!

NARUTO

STINKY TRAIN CAR

NARUTO: What's that supposed to mean?

DOG HOST: You'll see.

(Cuts to a scene where Kakashi is stuck in a green jacket.)

KAKASHI: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GET ME OUT OF HERE!

DOG HOST: You failed! Let's see how Jiraiya's doing. Oops, wait a minute. Jiraiya, you fail!

JIRAIYA: But I was getting it on with 1 of the babes!

DOG HOST: Too bad! But what about Naruto?

NARUTO:(plugging his nose) I'm fine!

(he's sitting next to a fat guy who's farting)

DOG HOST: So you win! Next terrors!

CHOJI

FLASHBACK WITH SIR MIX-A-LOT

CHOJI: Huh?

DOG HOST:Next!

NARUTO

JELL-O

JIRAIYA

WATCH PEOPLE BURN PORN

JIRAIYA: NNNNNOOOOOOOO!

DOG HOST: Now let's see!

SIR MIX-A-LOT: Ah, I remember when I did the music video for Baby Got Back. Let's go back there for a moment…

(cuts to a scene where Sir Mix-A-Lot and Choji are sitting on a giant ass.)

SIR-MIX-A-LOT: I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other brother can't deny, when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a big round thing in your face you get sprung!

(Girls with huge asses come in.)

CHOJI: AAAHHHH!

DOG HOST: Next!

(Naruto is stuck inside Jell-O)

DOG HOST: Um, well Choji failed, but I'm not sure about Naruto.

Later…

NARUTO: So…much…James…Blunt…

JIRAIYA: How can you be complaining about James Blunt when they burned all the porn? Man, there was more porn there than records at the death of disco!

KAKASHI: Just a moment of sile-

CHOJI: Do you like my ass?

NARUTO: Choji, just because the author told you about that incedent, doesn't mean you have to repeat that line.

CHOJI: Do you like my ass?

KAKASHI: Choji, your ass is bigger than the ass you sat on.


	2. Truth or Dare with Special Guests

Chapter 2

Truth or Dare With Special Guests

DOG HOST: Alright, our contestants survived the Trial of 10 Terrors! But they have a long way to go!

(Everyone gulps.)

DOG HOST: The next challenge our contestants will have to face is Truth or Dare with Special Guests!

NARUTO: Hey, wait a minute, who are the special guests?

DOG HOST: Glad you asked, young ramen addict!

NARUTO: Hey, I'm not-oh.

DOG HOST: Our first contestant is the guy who loves to bang, wears clocks around his neck, and has his own show where women catfight over who loves him more, Flavor Flav!

(Flavor Flav jumps onstage in a tiger colored jumpsuit with a clock around his neck.)

FLAV: Flavor Flav!

DOG HOST: And our second special guest is the little man who wants to kill his mom, and is on a popular TV show, Stewie Griffin!

(Stewie walks on and pulls out a ray gun and shoots a paparazzi. Scream is heard.)

STEWIE: Well, um, he was flashing his horrible camera in my eyes, he lived a horrible life and whatever.

DOG HOST: And our final special guest is the dude who moves to the beat, not from 21 Jump St., the yellow guy with spots, The Cheat!

(The Cheat walks on and shows his golden tooth.)

(In case you don't know who some people are, look 'em up on Yahoo! And I insist you use Yahoo!)

DOG HOST: Alright, let's spin the bottle!

STEWIE KISSES CHOJI

STEWIE: What the hell! I'm not gay! I'm not going to kiss that fat ass Choji! And that's not even a dare!

DOG HOST: Oh! Um, he's right! I'll have to talk to the set worker about this. Please activate the stand-by screensaver!

(Goes to a scene with a pink panda licking a leaf. The voice of DOG HOST is heard.)

DOG HOST: Hey! PIG SET WORKER! Spin the bottle is screwed up.

(Pause)

DOG HOST: No this is not The Trial of 10 Terrors!

(Pause)

DOG HOST: What! Horse Lights Worker stole my lunch! I'll have to deal with this later. Switch the set to Truth or Dare, now!

(Pink Panda looks at the screen. Goes back to the set which is now Truth or Dare.)

DOG HOST: Alright! Stewie, Truth or Dare?

STEWIE: Truth!

DOG HOST: Do you really love your mom on the inside?

STEWIE: Wuthu- hminu- What do you mean? I switch to Dare!

DOG HOST: Fine. I dare you to moon the audience.

(Stewie pulls down his pants for the audience to see. Tomato flies into him and he tumbles backward, thus making his other private part visible.)

DOG HOST: Aah! Sorry folks, we'll just get rid of you, you little brat!

STEWIE: But you told me to moo-AAH!

(Stewie falls down a pit that formed below him.)

DOG HOST: (sigh) Kakashi! Truth or Dare!

KAKASHI: Truth.

DOG HOST: Alright. (chuckles) Did you sleep with Anko last night?

KAKASHI: HOW DID YOU- I mean, switch to dare!

DOG HOST: Fine. (chuckles some more) I dare you to go bring Anko on the show.

KAKASHI: WHAT? I mean, it isn't really necessary to-

DOG HOST: Then you'd rather join Stewie?

KAKASHI: (sighs) Fine, I'll bring her in.

(Goes behind set.)

KAKASHI: Anko-chan? Anko-chan?

(Comes back.)

KAKASHI: Well, she's not here. So we'll have to move o-

ANKO: Kakashi-kun? Kakashi-kun, where are you?

KAKASHI: (smacks forehead) Yes, Anko-chan?

(comes from behind set)

ANKO: The man- I mean dog asked to bring me on the set.

DOG HOST: And I wanted to say how beautiful you are.

(Kisses her hand. Kakashi looks steamed, if you can tell through his mask.)

ANKO: Why thank you.

(DOG HOST bounces his eyebrows. Kakashi looks even more steamed.)

DO HOST: So, since it's apparently untrue that you slept with Kakashi last night, would you like to go out some time?

KAKASHI: THAT'S IT! Fine! It's true! We've been sleeping together for a few months now! There! You happy?

ANKO: That's what this was about? Well, I have to go, goodbye Kakashi-kun, see you tonight.

(Pulls down his mask so the audience can't see and French kisses him. Before she can leave Kakashi goes and kisses her again.)

KAKASHI: (still holding her hands.) Um, I need to take a bathroom break…

(They go behind the set.)

KAKASHI: Wanna do it?

ANKO: Oh yeah!

DOG HOST: Well, um, that was weird….anyway, let's go to our next contestant. Flavor Flav! Truth or Dare?

FLAV: Dare, yo!

DOG HOST: Alright, I dare you to convince a cashier at a Victoria's Secret that you're a woman and buy 20 pairs of panties.

FLAV: Flavor Flav!

DOG HOST: Alright, LLAMA CAMERA MAN, follow Flav to make sure he really goes through with it.

A few minutes later…

DOG HOST: Alright Flav, how ya doin'?

FLAV: Pretty good, yo. I'm about to start. Flavor Flav!

Flav walks into Victoria's Secret while wearing a long blond wig, hot pink dress, red high heel shoes, ruby red lip stick, magenta eye shadow, and a Coach purse.

FLAV: (in a high-pitched voice) May I, like, totally have 20 pairs of pink panties?

(Casier stares.)

FLAV: Like, why are you staring at me? It's like, creepy. Oh, I bet you wanna know my make-up secrets. Well first I put lip conditioner for highlitght-

CASIER: Look, we get hundreds of high men coming in here trying to convince us that they're women. And I can tell that you're a man.

FLAV: Uh! I'm like, hurt! I'm so a girl! And I like, need 20 pairs of panties!

CASIER: (smacks forehead) Fine. You can have the 20 pairs of panties. But you're **not **a woman.

When FLAV has come back….

FLAV: Flavor Flav!

DOG HOST: Sorry Flav, you didn't convince her that you were a woman. We're gonna have to force you to get it on with 10 hot babes.

FLAV: No prob! Flavor Flav has no problem with doin' it with 10 hot babes!

(10 hot babes in lingerie come in and jump on FLAV. And then a pit forms below them.

DOG HOST: Sorry, that's all we have time for today folks, tune in next time for more, Truth or Dare with Special Guests!

**To be honest, the only reason I ended the chapter here is cuz I didn't have any more ideas. Please, REVIEW! Even if you don't have ideas for Chapter 3, Truth or Dare with Special Guests Part 2, tell me what you thought of Chapter 2! Or both chapter 1 and chapter 2 if you just read both. **


	3. Truth or Dare with Special Guests Part 2

Chapter 3

Truth or Dare With Special Guests Part 2

DOG HOST: Welcome to the Great Anime Games! Where right now we're playing Truth or Dare with Special Guests! Choji! Truth or Dare?

CHOJI: (munch) Dare. (munch)

DOG HOST: I dare you to go to the end of the rainbow and take the lepricon's gold.

CHOJI: (munch) Kay. (munch)

DOG HOST: LLAMA CAMERA MAN! Follow CHOJI here and make sure he goes through with it.

Later…

(CHOJI's walking through the forest while munching chips with LLAMA CAMERA MAN close behind. The 2 pass through a thicket and find the lepricon.)

CHOJI: (munch) Gimme your gold. (munch)

LEPRICON: Well, I know this is gonna disappoint you, but I don't have anymore gold.

(CHOJI looks into cauldron. All he sees is a red card.)

CHOJI: (munch) What the hell is that?

LEPRICON: It's a Visa check card.

CHOJI: Huh?

LEPRICON: Hello? Didn't you see the Visa check card commercial? You're on a TV show, right?

CHOJI: Mm-hm. (munch)

LEPRICON: Well, Visa is one of your sponsers.

CHOJI: Really? (munch)

LEPRICON: Yup.

When CHOJI gets back to the studio…

DOG HOST: You fail!

(Choji gets sucked up a vacuum, gets stuck, and makes the vacum explode.)

DOG HOST: Well, tune in next time on the Great Anime Games!

This was short, and pretty boring, but I must've forgotten to mention this. I NEED IDEAS! You can even go to my profile and at the bottom it says I have writer's block! So if you review this, give me ideas! Please! Even if you've reviewed this before, please review again!


	4. Prank Calls

Chapter 4

Prank Calls

DOG HOST: Welcome, to the Great Anime Games! For our next challenge, we are forcing our contestants to prank call people, in the game, Prank Calls! Naruto! Prank call this number.

(NARUTO takes card out of his paw. Dials number.)

(Rings. Rings. Rings.)

BUSH: Howdy, what're you in for?

NARUTO: Is your fridge running?

BUSH: Maybe.

(Pause.)

NARUTO: Well, can you check?

BUSH: Who is this?

NARUTO: You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

BUSH: Try me.

NARUTO: I'm Japanese anime icon Uzumaki Naruto.

(Pause. Hangs up.)

DOG HOST: Who was it?

NARUTO: President Bush.

DOG HOST: Well, um, next time you better be successful or we'll banish you to the puppet dimension. Anyway, next! Choji! Call this number.

(Rings. Rings. Rings.)

: Hello?

CHOJI: Do you have Prince Albert in a can?

: Who is this?

CHOJI: Wait… Sabaku no Gaara?

GAARA: Yes, it is Gaara, I'm not a Sabaku! What do you want?

CHOJI: Do you have Prince Albert in a can?

GAARA:…No.

CHOJI: Then go get some, poor boy!

(Hangs up.)

DOG HOST: Who was it?

CHOJI: Gaara. Thanks a lot, dog boy, now Gaara's gonna kill me!

DOG HOST: Hahahahahaha! (wipes tear) Ah, anyway, Kakashi, call this number.

(Ring.)

: Mm-mm?

KAKASHI: Hello?

: M mm-mm-mm mm mm-mm.

KAKASHI: Yes, I already said hello.

: Mm m m mm m m mm?

KAKASHI: Who am I? Who are you?

: Mm-m.

KAKASHI: So your names Kenny. Where do you live?

KENNY: M mm m m mm?

KAKASHI: Who the hell am I? Who the hell are you?

KENNY: Mm-m!

KAKASHI: So your name's Kenny.

KENNY: M mm m m mm!

KAKASHI: Stay in the house.

KENNY: Mm m m?

KAKASHI: What the hell indeed, Mr. Kenny.

KENNY: Mm mm-m mm m m m-mm!

KAKASHI: You may call the police. But will the police be there, Kenny?

KENNY: Mm m mm m mm!

KAKASHI: Where would they be? I think you know very well where they would be.

KENNY: Mm mm?

KAKASHI: In the shop.

KENNY: Mm m?

KAKASHI: _The _shop.

KENNY: Mm mm-m m m-mm!

KAKASHI: But it's like I said, will they be there? Will they be willing-

(Hangs up.)

DOG HOST: I have to admit, that was funny! Now I get a raise! RAISE MR. MONKET PAYDAYPERSON!

(Distant "No!")

DOG HOST: Well then, I guess we'll have to wait until next time then! Then I might get a raise…

(Distant "Nice try!")

DOG HOST: Rrg, goodbye!

Sorry for the long wait for an update- hey that rhymed! But anyway, I definitely need ideas, so if you want your idea to appear in this story, review me and tell me about what chapter 5 should be about. And if more than one person gives different ideas, I'll include them in later chapters. Arigato, minna!


	5. Blind Dates

Sorry for the long wait for an update, I'm managing 6 stories right now, and I'm updating all but 1 today, as long as it's still the 21st. You better like this, I had to write the whole thing in a day! Enjoy!

Chapter 5

Blind Date

DOG HOST: Welcome back, to the Great Anime Games! To day's challenge is the Blind Date! But this is literal, we're blindfolding the contestants! First up: Naruto!

NARUTO: (Sitting blindfolded at a restaurant) So, what are your interests?

?.: Well, I'm interested in acting, I am actually an actress, I'm only doing this cuz I'm getting payed-

NARUTO: You're Cameron Diaz!

CAMERON D.: Damnit! You said he wouldn't find out!

DOG HOST: Well, that was quick. Next!

KAKASHI: (In Naruto's former seat) Well, I'm seeing someone right now, but what do you do for a living?

: Well, I travel with 4 other people, 2 humans, a demon, and a half-demon, and one of them I have a crush on. I'm not actually sure how I got here. I was about to throw my hirai-kotsu and I was at this restaurant.

KAKASHI: You sound pretty. Like you belong in Icha-Icha paradise.

: What's that?

KAKAHSI: A porno.

(Slaps him.)

KAKASHI: Hmm…what anime/manga are you in?

: What?

KAKASHI: Never mind. I think you're….Bingo?

(Slaps other cheek.)

: If you're gonna guess, guess practically!

KAKASHI: O.k., geez! You're author then?

: What!

KAKASHI: Let's see….you look like a Rumiko Takahashi character…Are you…Ukyo?"

(Slaps yet again.)

: The author doesn't even read Ranma 1/2!

KAKASHI: Wait…if you know about Ranma 1/2, don't you know what anime you're in?

: What in 7 hells are you talking about?

KAKASHI: You're supposed to be based off of Ukyo Kuonji from Ranma 1/2!

: The author doesn't read Ranma 1/2!

KAKASHI: You're…..Sango?

SANGO: Yes! Finally!

DOG HOST: That took a while. Next!

CHOJI: Yo, (chomp) whaddup?

: Mm m.

CHOJI: Kenny!

KENNY: Mm-hm!

DOG HOST: Finally, Jiraiya!

JIRAIYA: I don't care who you are or where you're from, but I wanna date you!

: But I'm a guy.

JIRAIYA: Oh. How come CHOJI & I got paired up with guys!

DOG HOST: Cuz I say so!

JIRAIYA: Fine. What's your job?

: Talk show. You?

JIRAIYA: Ninja.

(Pause.)

DOG HOST: BORING!

(Throws them in a pit of lava.)

This was pretty boring. Sorry, peeps. But I'm gonna end this story unless I get ideas! I already have an ending planned out. Arigato, minna!


	6. Jeopardy

Hello people! By the way, has ANYONE been able to access Atari Atagashi-Chan's profile?! Cuz I haven't, and neither has Rin Uchiha. Who else is having the same problem? Cuz I wanted to ask her something. Atari, if you're reading this, PLEASE message me, and show that you're there! I decided not to end the story THIS chapter, but most likely the next one. Enjoy!

Chapter 6

Jeopardy

DOG HOST: Welcome back to the Great Anime Games! Today we're playing…Jeopardy! Let's get started! The categories are:

NINJA ARTS

BANDS (as in music)

ANIMALS

? (yes? is 1 of the categories)

DOG HOST: Choji goes first! (I know you're supposed to make them press the button first, but I have to get things started.)

CHOJI: (munch) I choose ANIMALS for $2.00. (Not $200, $2.)

DOG HOST: Alright. These funny looking animals live water most of the time, and look really cuddly but are dangerous.

(CHOJI presses button.)

CHOJI: (munch) What are hot dogs?

DOG HOST: What?!?!?! How stupid are you?!?!

(Drops anvil on CHOJI's head.)

(JIRAIYA presses his button.)

JIRAIYA: What hippos?

DOG HOST: Correct!

JIRAIYA: I choose NINJA ARTS for $5.00.

DOG HOST: This technique is used by an OC made by the author.

JIRAIYA: Hey wait a minute, you're not allowed to do tha-

(DOG HOST throws live salmon in JIRAIYA's mouth.)

DOG HOST: Anyone?

(cricket.)

DOG HOST: Screw you guys!

(Throws gizzards in all of their mouths.)

DOG HOST: Naruto!

NARUTO: I choose ? for $1.00.

DOG HOST: SHAKA LAKA DING DONG!!!!!!!! HUTOI!!!!!! HUTOI!!!!!

(DOG HOST is suddenly dressed like a Native American and jumps on Naruto's head.)

DOG HOST: HUWEI, HAWEI, AKAPINGEI!!!!!!!

(DOG HOST grabs a bowl and begins mixing in ingredients. Is still on top of Naruto's head.)

(NARUTO presses button.)

NARUTO: What are pupusas?

DOG HOST: Correct!

CHOJI, JIRAIYA, KAKASHI: WHAT?!?!?!?

NARUTO: I choose ? for $2.00.

DOG HOST: Hamburger yogurt is the path to all earwax buttocks.

(KAKASHI understand concept. Presses button.)

KAKASHI: What is pornography?

DOG HOST: Correct!

CHOJI & JIRAIYA: WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!

KAKASHI? for $5.00.

DOG HOST: I think I can….I think I can…I thought I could……BUT I CAN'T!!!

(DOG HOST does a little jig.)

(CHOJI presses button.)

CHOJI: What are mashed potatoes?

DOG HOST: Wrong!

NARUTO, KAKASHI, JIRAIYA: WHAT IN 7 HELLS?!?!?!?!?

DOG HOST: Jiraiya!

JIRAIYA: ANIMALS for $5.00.

DOG HOST: Me!!

(JIRAIYA presses button.)

JIRAIYA: What are dogs?

DOG HOST: Correct! That's all we have time for, folks!

NARUTO: Hey, not all the spaces were chosen though!!

(DOG HOST throws NARUTO in a conveniently placed trash-can.)

Hope you enjoyed that chapter! Next chapter WILL be the last unless I get some more reviews! So PLEASE review again! And Atari Atagashi-Chan, PLEASE message and tell me you're there!! Oh yeah, I made this whole chapter in a day! See ya next time!


	7. Matchmaker

O.k., I decided not to end it because I got some ideas. So…enjoy!

Chapter 7

Matchmaker

DOG HOST: Welcome back to The Great Anime Games! Today, we'll be playing Matchmaker! Let's start!

(Naruto is on the left side of a faux wall. On the other said are 3 girls, who you'll find out later.)

(Naruto looks at card.)

NARUTO: Where would we go together on our 1st date?

GIRL #1: Some place fierce! Maybe my talk show!

GIRL #2: Uh…maybe a…r-restaurant…or something…

GIRL #3: Space! We could go kill someone! Kick some evil alien ass! Yet I'm evil…who gives a shit?! Yeah!

NARUTO: O.k….

(NARUTO writes stuff down on the card.)

NARUTO: What's your hair color?

GIRL #1: Brown! It's fierce!

GIRL #2: Uh…it's blue…but sort of black, too…

GIRL #3: Pink! Naturally! Yeah!

NARUTO: Final question. Believe it!

GIRL #1: Fierce!

GIRL #2: Um…that's your catch phrase…

GIRL #3: Believe what? Kicking ass is what! Yeah!

NARUTO: O.k…..I choose…GIRL #2 because I feel like it!

(HINATA walks around the wall.)

NARUTO: Hinata?!

HINATA: (blushing) What? I w-wanted to be your girlfriend…yeah…believe it…

(NARUTO stares.)

NARUTO: You said believe it…You're my kind of woman!

(NARUTO picks up HINATA bridal style and runs away. Guards catch NARUTO and guide him back onto the stage.)

DOG HOST: GIRL #1 was Tyra Banks, and GIRL #3 was Haruko, or Haruha Haruhara! (Haruko is from an anime called FLCL, or Fooly Cooly)

DOG HOST: Now, onto Kakashi!

KAKASHI: O.k. How often do you get naked?

GIRL #1: Whenever I'm in bed, accompanied or not.

GIRL #2: Llama.

GIRL #3: All the time! I've slept with you at least twice a week! I also like walking around my house naked so if you come in I'm ready!

(KAKASHI stares and begins drooling at GIRL #3's answer.)

KAKASHI: Alright. How often would we make love?

GIRL #1: Never. That just ain't me.

GIRL #2: LLAMA.

GIRL #3: All the time! Every night if possible! That's what we've been trying to do lately, right?

(KAKASHI starts to recognize GIRL #3.)

KAKASHI: Alright, final question. What are the nicknames Anko and I give each other when we're alone?

GIRL #1: How should I know?

GIRL #2: LLAMALLAMALLAMALLAMALLAMALLAMALLAMALLAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GIRL #3: Yours is Bedroom Animal and Anko's is Make-love Kitten.

KAKASHI: I choose….GIRL #3!

(Anko walks around from the wall.)

KAKASHI: I knew it! I wouldn't have given you up for anyone, my Make-love Kitten!

ANKO: Of course not, my Bedroom Animal! Wanna do it behind the set again?

KAKASHI: You bet!

(They go around the set again.)

DOG HOST: GIRL #1 was a robot, and GIRL #2 was a llama!

(GIRL #2 jumps in front of DOG HOST.)

GIRL #2: LLAMALLAMALLAMALLAMALLAMA!!!!!!!!!! Llama?

(GIRL #2 falls in love with DOG HOST. DOG HOST catches on and falls in love with GIRL #2.)

DOG HOST: And that's all we have time for today, folks! Come back next time for JIRAIYA's and CHOJI's matchmaker!

A/N: I just kind of need ideas for Choji and Jiraiya's matchmaker. PLEASE review! And in case people are wondering, I capitalize all the names because that's how it is in a script, even though The Great Anime Games! isn't really scripted. Sorry for taking so long to update! See ya next chapter!


	8. Matchmaker Part II

A/N: I'M SO FRICKEN' SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN A REALLY REALLY REALLY LONG TIME!!!!! Maybe juggling 12 fics at a time is a bad idea. Unfortunately, I have already made the mistake of unleashing too much creativity. CRAP!! Now I sound self-centered. I'm not self-centered! I have a million flaws!! DAMNIT!! Now I sound emo!! Except not!!! CANIBAL PANTS!!! –slaps herself- …Alright. Let's get started before I go insane again… But first! Remember the thing in a previous chapter with Ukyo from Ranma 1/2? Now I actually DO read Ranma 1/2 now, and Ukyo is NOTHING like Sango!! Alright, we'll begin.

Chapter 8

Matchmaker Part II

DOG HOST: (holding GIRL#2/llama in his arm) And, we're on!! Welcome back to The Great Anime Games!. Now it's time for Choji and Jiraiya's Matchmaker! Choji goes first.

CHOJI: (munch)

DOG HOST: Alright then, Choji. Ask the girls a question.

CHOJI: (munch) Can you cook? (munch)

GIRL#1: No. I'm a superhuman.

GIRL#2: I'M THE ANGRY HOBO!!!!!!!!!!! EAT MY PUTOOTY!!!!!!

GIRL#3: My precioussssssss!!!!!!! We are hungry, my preciousssss!!!!

CHOJI:…Oo (munch) O.k. then. Next question: What do you like to eat?

GIRL#1: I don't eat. I'm a robot.

GIRL#2: I like to eat things with rabies. RABIES IS SOLED AT ANY SUPERMARKET FACILITY!!!!! It's fun to say holy crap. Holy crap. (does a little dance)

GIRL#3: We'll eats anything, my precioussss…

CHOJI: (facing audience) Even if this does make good TV, this is (munch) absurd. (toward wall/girls he cannot see) (munch) Finally…deadmonkeysaywha???!!!???!!!?!?!?!??!!?!

GIRL#1: Umm…

GIRL#2: GIMME A MANGO!!!!!!! (begins to suck on a shower curtain)

GIRL#3: Ssssss!!!!!!! Nasty dead monkeysss from when we lived in the light,

-gollum- -gollum-

CHOJI: oO I choose…GIRL#2!!!!

(Normal girl who insists she's an angry hobo walks out from behind the wall.)

DOG HOST: GIRL#1 was Tima(a robot girl from an anime movie called Metropolis, see it, it's good), and GIRL#3 was Gollum(everyone knows Gollum, from The Hobbit?)!!! Time for Jiraiya's!!!

JIRAIYA: I'm a pervy!!!

DOG HOST: Alright, ask them a question.

JIRAIYA: Are you hot?

GIRL#1: Poo.

GIRL#2: Poo.

GIRL#3: Poo.

JIRAIYA: …Oo…oO O.k. then. Will you like me even though I'm a nasty perverted old man?

GIRL#1: Poopoo.

GIRL#2: Poopoopoo.

GIRL#3: Poorepoo.

JIRAIYA: (bewildered and stupefied) O.k. then… Poo.

GIRL#1: I LOVE YOU!!!!!

GIRL#2: Don't listen to her, she's lying!!!! Marry ME, you disgusting, perverted, sexy beast!!!

GIRL#3: If you choose me, we can to what Anko and Kakashi are doing…

(JIRAIYA is in utter shock. His lower jaw is inches from the ground.)

JIRAIYA: GIRL#3!!!!! GIRL#3!!!!!

WARNING: In this next coming part, it may make fun of overweight people. I have nothing against people with weight problems, it's just if it _doesn't _make fun of overweight people, it won't be funny.

(Really, really, really, really fat girl runs around corner and sits on JIRAIYA.)

GIRL#3: Let's do it, you sex maniac!!

(They run around corner.)

DOG HOST: GIRL#1 and GIRL#2 were GIRL#3's triplet sisters, who are also fat. Tune in next time!!

A/N: Sorry this chapter was short, but I wrote it half-heartedly because I wanted to move on past the Matchmaker challenge, but couldn't. I'll update as soon as I can, I swear!!


	9. Personality Quiz

A/N: I'M SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN FOREVER!!!!! I probably lost almost all of my fans. Atari Atagashi-chan? Are you there? If you are, then YOU HAVE TO UPDATE THE D FILES, LADY!!! Anyway, I'm so effing sorry! Sorry sorry sorry sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let's get started!

Chapter 9

Personality Quiz

DOG HOST: We're back after so effing long!!! Anyway, we're doing a Personality Quiz for our contestants today! First up is Naruto!

(NARUTO steps forward. A large screen with a sign above that says "QUESTION SCREEN" and has dancing monkeys on the borders.)

DOG HOST: First question!

QUESTION SCREEN: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?

NARUTO: Uh…Orange!

QUESTION SCREEN: Loading…WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE?

NARUTO: Uh…The Edgar Chronicles!!

QUESTION SCREEN: DOES NOT COMPUTE!!! YOU'RE A JACKASS!!!!

NARUTO: HEY!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH YOU??! O.k., my favorite movie is Austin Powers!

QUESTION SCREEN: Loading…HOW MANY GIRLRIENDS HAVE YOU HAD?

NARUTO: Say, why do you always ask in capitals but say loading normally?

QUESTION SCREEN: (sniff) I…it's a mental disease…ever since I was manufactured…HAVEN'T YOU HEARD OF THIS DISEASE BEFORE? It's one in a trillion, pretty common…

NARUTO: Um…no. It isn't.

QUESTION SCREEN: WAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAWAHAHAHAHAWAHAHA!!!!! I know!!!! I try to assure myself I'm not the only one, but all the other people who have it live in Africa and Mongolia so I can't understand what they're saying!! WAHAHAHAHHAAAAWAHAHHAHAHHA!!!!

DOG HOST: Alright! We're paying you, QUESTION SCREEN!!!!! But we'll cut your pay in half if you don't stop wallowing in self-pity!

QS: DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE A DISABILITY LIKE THIS??!?!?!? It's a disability so absurd that no-one respects you! You don't know what it's like!!!

???: Honey, calm down!!

QS: HUH??! WHO SAID THAT?

???: Me.

QS: MOMMY?

QS'MOM: Come to heaven with me, honey.

(QUESTION SCREEN RISES INTO HEAVEN.)

DOG HOST: Woah. I _was_ an Athiest, but now…hell, I'll convert later. I wonder what I'll be…anyway, I have the questions written down on index cards, so Naruto. What do you want to be when you grown up-wait. Hokage. Final Question: STUPIDSPIKYHAIREDWIERDOMUFFINBUTTSAYWHAHAHA???!?!??!?

NARUTO: Biscuits!

DOG HOST: Alright, this says that your personality is…Edgar.

(Pause.)

NARUTO: Um…excuse me?

DOG HOST: How the hell should I know? It just says that your answers equal Edgar. Alright, now it's Jiraiya's turn to take the quiz!

JIRAIYA: I'm having a porn-attack. I'd like my June issue now.

DOG HOST: Um…you'll get a break soon…anyway, first question: What's your favorite color?

JIRAIYA: Don't be a bigot! I'll love all the colors, even all of 'em at the same time!

(Pause.)

DOG HOST: Oh, OH!!! That's just nasty!! Are you so sex-crazed that you'd say something like on television??!

JIRAIYA: I told you I'm having a porn-attack.

DOG HOST: Look, let's just go to the next question. What's your favorite movie?

JIRAIYA: Naughty Ninja Nurses 9. Who says sequels aren't good? Well, I'm also a fan of In The Closet With 10 Hot Babes, do you get the pun? The first movie was 1 hot babe, and each time there are more hot babes!

DOG HOST: ……--…(talking to himself) you're getting paid…you're getting paid…

JIRAIYA: Oh! Back when I was 34 I met the cast of The Monster In My Pants Is Gonna Love You Tonight And You Might Have My Child And Before You Give Birth We Can Do It Again And Your Baby Will Wiggle, they won a PervyPorno Award® for longest title and most people getting it on at the same time—

DOG HOST: O.K. THAT'S ENOUGH!! Next question! How Many Girlfriends have you had—WAIT!! Don't answer tha-

JIRAIYA: 982,938,172,398!!!! I had most of them all at once and a bunch of them worked at the same club!!

DOG HOST: 0.0…UU…TT…88…ENOUGH SMILIES!!! Next question: What do you wanna be when you grow up, I know the answer is Owner of Playboy!

JIRAIYA: You betcha!

DOG HOST: Final question, thank the heavens: STUPIDPERVERTEDNASTYBADIHATEYOUGUYSAYPORN??!!?

JIRAIYA: Porn!

DOG HOST: Hooray, we just affirmed that you're a pervert and I hate you. Alright, your personality is…wait a minute, what the hell??! Wait, I'm gonna love this cuz you're gonna hate it…

JIRAIYA: Porno! Tell me it says that!

DOG HOST: It says Anti-Porn&Pervert Activist!

(Pause.)

JIRAIYA: TT I cannot live with myself.

DOG HOST: Perv, it's just a badly-done quiz I found in my cousin's basement, forget about it.

JIRAIYA: No. If I'm anti-porn in any situation at all, I vowed that I would not be able to truly live in its full meaning.

DOG HOST: Look, you're June issue is in the Green Room, just leave. And that's all the time we've got today, folks! Come back for Personality Quiz Part 2!

A/N: I hope that was adequate. Hopefully I won't take a million years to update this time. Either way, please tune in next time! Please oh please review! Atari Atagashi-chan? Are you there? Anyway, arigato, minna!


	10. The Final Chapter!

A/N: I've decided to finish this story. I've known how this was going to end for a LONG time. This Chapter 10: The Final Chapter! Who will win The Great Anime Games? Read, Review, and Enjoy!

Chapter 10

And the Winner Is..?

DOG HOST: I can't believe it! I lost the other half of the personality quiz! I think Choji ate it.

CHOJI: With horseradish. munch Yum.

DOGHOST: Well, we're all out of competitions. There's nothing left. I suppose it's time to decide the winner.

NARUTO: Alright!

JIRAIYA: Ah, that June issue settled my porn attack.

CHOJI: -munch- That was my last potato chip.

KAKASHI: Just tell us who won!

DOG HOST: Alright, alright! The winner is…COMMERCIAL!!

EVERYONE: NO!!!!

DOG HOST: Fine, fine. The winner is…Naruto AND Kakashi AND Jiraiya AND Choji!!

(Silence.)

DOG HOST: You all get 1 million dollars, each!

NARUTO: YEAH!!!!

(DOG HOST hands briefcases to each contestant as the crowd cheers. But as they open the cases, silence comes.)

KAKASHI: What?

CHOJI: This isn't REAL money!!

NARUTO: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!?1

JIRAIYA: This guy ripped us off!!

DOG HOST: I never said it would be _real _money.

(Silence. Then, crowd boos and throws things at DOG HOST. For the next 20 minutes, DOG HOST gets the crap beaten out of him.)

FIN

A/N: And so ends this story. Thanks to all read, but even more to those who reviewed. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, REVIEW!!!! It's your last chance to review this fic! LAST CHANCE!!! Arigato, minna!


End file.
